Nominate Your Team Teach Connect Organisation Admin Today
Nominate Your Team Teach Connect Organisation Admin Today
As human beings, we are all fallible: we make mistakes; we get things wrong; we mess up. It’s a natural and unavoidable part of life, both within and beyond the workplace.
Working in education and health and social care, we sometimes get things wrong with our colleagues, and with the individuals we support, too. Perhaps we forgot to attend a meeting with our line manager, because we were distracted by an urgent task; maybe we spoke somewhat abruptly to an individual we support when they asked us for help, because we were tired and overwhelmed; or perhaps, with the benefit of hindsight, we could have handled a challenging situation better, and intervened more promptly to prevent escalation.
When we make a mistake, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, we need to reflect on what happened, and do what some of us find so difficult sometimes: saying sorry.
Apologising to others, whether it’s a colleague or an individual we support, can be an incredibly uncomfortable experience. Why? Because saying sorry equates to taking responsibility and being accountable for our actions and reactions.
An honest, genuine apology translates as: I acknowledge that I did something wrong, and I take full ownership for it. This can be tricky because we don’t always like the decisions we make in the heat of the moment, and can, as a result, become engulfed by deep-rooted feelings of shame, guilt, and embarrassment afterwards. Our own internal discomfort can prevent us from offering an apology where it is needed.
Even when we do accept that saying sorry is the right course of action, we may worry about other people’s perspectives, and how they might respond. For example, if we approach a senior leader or colleague about something that has happened, will they judge us, or think less of us for ‘messing up’? Or, if we need to apologise to an individual, are we relinquishing control, thereby making ourselves look weak, and undermining our authority as the professional? And what will their parent or carer think?
Many of these concerns stem from our perceived status as an authority figure within our settings; someone who should ‘know better’, and who has to ‘save face’ at any cost. However, offering a genuine, heartfelt apology, and truly understanding how to make amends when things go wrong, transcends any hierarchical structure – real or imagined – and opens the door to restoring relationships and making amends.
Saying sorry and being sorry are sometimes two very different things. If an apology is inauthentic, or we feel under pressure to apologise by somebody else, then this is only likely to lead to inner feelings of resentment and injustice, which, over time, can fester, and jeopardise, rather than strengthen relationships with others.
The catalyst for saying sorry should always be internal and come from a place of empathy; it should be something we instigate after reflecting on what happened, understanding our role in the situation, considering the impact on others, and taking ownership of the outcome, no matter how uncomfortable that may feel.
Read about managing different approaches with colleagues.
Despite any barriers or feelings of discomfort, saying sorry – authentically and honestly – can be transformative, for us as individuals, and for the wider community in which we work. It can help us to create a culture where we acknowledge and accept that things go wrong, but where we view ‘mistakes’ as opportunities for future learning.
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