De-escalation with Parents and Carers

When we hear the word, ‘de-escalation’, we often think of supporting the individuals in our settings. But sometimes, we may need to use de-escalation strategies with parents and carers, too.

Why we may need to de-escalate situations with parents and carers

Parents and carers are often under a lot of stress and pressure. They may be juggling multiple responsibilities, such as family commitments and busy careers. They may be navigating financial, health or relationship issues, or struggling with their own mental wellbeing.

Perhaps in the past, they had negative experiences themselves, experiences that continue to influence how they perceive the world. This can leave them feeling wary of perceived authority figures, to the point where positive communication and relationship-building feels impossible. If relationships are already strained, and there is an incident involving their loved one, parents and carers can sometimes react strongly and can quickly become dysregulated.

What kinds of behaviours might we see with parents and carers?

When people are experiencing high levels of stress and anxiety themselves, they can often find it challenging to self-regulate and can sometimes engage in behaviour that appears aggressive. They may be verbally or physically abusive; they may shout, scream or cry; or they might struggle to communicate at all due to their frustration.

The level of dysregulation we see with parents and carers can be exacerbated by a number of other factors, such as and cultural or language barriers, resulting in a feeling of ‘them and us’. This makes it all the more challenging to foster positive engagement and mutual understanding.

Read our article about effective communication with families.

Of course, any violence or aggression towards staff is never acceptable, and we need to prioritise the safety and welfare of everyone who works within our setting.  To do this, staff may need to summon help and support, employ a ‘change of face’, or refer parents and carers to senior leaders, if, at any point, they feel their own safety is compromised. In extreme situations, they should also consider whether it would be appropriate to involve external agencies, such as the police.

Challenges to effective de-escalation with parents and carers

Just like the individuals we support, we may not aways be aware of the complete backstory when we encounter someone who is already heightened, or in crisis. Without knowing all of the facts, we need to quickly ascertain what is going on and formulate a response based on very limited information.

In other instances, we might be aware of historical experiences with a particular person or family and may be able to piece together a bigger picture relatively quickly.

There can also be ongoing issues between parents and carers that are going on beyond our setting but then spill over into escalations in or around our premises. This can complicate any attempts at de-escalation.