Supporting Someone Who Feels Frightened

No matter who we are, we all feel frightened sometimes. Although it can be uncomfortable and sometimes overwhelming, fear is a useful emotion for a number of reasons: it’s a vital survival mechanism that teaches us caution and prevents us from taking unnecessary risks. It can be a catalyst for action, keeping us safe from immediate harm, and fostering feelings of empowerment and self-confidence when we face it head on and overcome it.

Whether we view it as something positive or negative, the fact is that fear is an unavoidable part of life for us all, including those we care for and support. We therefore need to consider how we can support individuals when they feel frightened, and equip them with a range of strategies they could use to manage this often-difficult emotion.

Why might someone feel frightened?

We all have different fears; some relate back to previous experiences, while others are linked to upcoming events or scenarios. In some cases, fears can arise seemingly out of nowhere, or be founded in purely hypothetical situations that are highly unlikely to ever occur.

Common fears include things like:

• Loud noises, like thunder, fireworks, and alarms
• New situations, such as starting school or changing settings
• Strangers and unfamiliar people
• The dark
• Specific phobias that are common to many people, such as spiders, flying, and heights, or those that are less common, such as buttons or balloons
• Real-life situations, such as extreme weather events or global conflicts

Fears can sometimes coincide with key developmental stages and increased experiences of the world. It is important for us to know and understand an individual’s fears and consider the underlying cause, so that we can respond appropriately and minimise unnecessary stress and anxiety.

What happens when an individual feels frightened?

While fear is a wholly appropriate and understandable response in some situations – for example, before undergoing major surgery or sitting high-stakes exams – individuals can sometimes struggle to gain perspective about their fears, and can become quickly become very frightened.

This can lead to a ‘fight, flight or freeze’ response where their nervous system becomes highly dysregulated. As a result, we may see a range of different behaviours that need our support. When they feel frightened, individuals may run away or hide; they might become agitated or aggressive; they may cry, scream or shout; or they may shut down or withdraw altogether.

While many fears can be addressed and overcome with patience and support, it’s important to seek advice if an individual seems to have extreme fears, phobias, physical symptoms like breathlessness, dizziness, or feeling sick, or has fears that prevent them from doing everyday