Responding vs Reacting: How Our Behaviour Influences Others

We can easily become focused on trying to control and manage the behaviour of the individuals in our settings. However; the only behaviour we need to (and, indeed, can) control and manage is our own.

When we fully embrace this concept, we can begin to understand how our behaviour and responses have the potential to impact situations, and positively influence outcomes, not just for those we support, but also for ourselves.

Reacting to an individual in crisis

When an individual reaches crisis stage, it can be almost impossible for them to navigate their feelings and emotions. In these moments of increased stress and anxiety, they are looking to us for help. Our role, then, is to support them until they can recover and re-regulate themselves. That’s why self-awareness, and the ability to modify our own reactions and behaviour, is critical.

If we react negatively to a situation – shouting, encroaching on an individual’s space, or using unnecessary physical interventions, for example – we are signalling to them that we have lost control. Too much verbal communication, and placing demands on a person, can also heighten their levels of distress.

In short, our behaviour and actions can indicate that we are struggling to manage our own emotions, and are therefore emotionally unavailable to offer appropriate support.

Read more about reacting vs responding to behaviour.

Increasing our emotional awareness

In times of crisis or distress, taking control of our own reactions undoubtedly puts us in a better position to respond appropriately, and in the best interests of the child, young person, or adult. However, this is often easier said than done; taking the lead in supporting an individual in crisis can be challenging. It can be incredibly upsetting, and trigger difficult, deep-rooted emotions within us. Nevertheless, our ability to remain calm and in control in these moments is crucial.

There may also be times when we are not the right person to respond or offer support. We can make that decision by having regular emotional ‘check-ins’ with ourselves, to assess how we are feeling. Sometimes, we need to acknowledge and accept that a colleague may be better placed to respond – something which takes professional strength and insight.