Focusing on Behaviours We Want to Encourage

As professionals working in schools and health and social care settings, we often find ourselves responding to a wide variety of behaviours, identifying and managing individual triggers, and skilfully de-escalating potentially challenging situations. No two individuals or settings are the same, so every day is different.

With so many variables at play, it’s little wonder that, in the heat of the moment, we can sometimes react badly when individuals behave in a way that perhaps doesn’t meet our expectations. We can overlook what went well, and overly-focus on what went ‘wrong’ rather than behaviours we want to encourage.

However, by only paying attention to behaviours that need support, we risk creating a culture of negative communication and language, and perpetuating behaviours that we would rather not see, instead of nurturing those we would.

Beware the negativity bias

As human beings, we have an innate tendency to focus and dwell on perceived negative events and experiences, known as the negativity bias. This cognitive phenomenon evolved to keep our ancestors safe from harm, allowing them to anticipate and avoid threats to their survival.  However, it still plays a central role in our cognitive and social development, and often skews the way we see things.

Even when many things are going well, and there is much to be praised and celebrated, our brains tend to seek out the negatives. We might ruminate over a challenging situation that we could have handled better; or, we may fixate on an interaction with an individual where their behaviour escalated to the point of crisis. In the most extreme cases, we may even find it impossible to separate an individual from their behaviour, leading us to create untrue and unhelpful narratives about their character.

While reflecting on experiences, and asking ourselves questions about what we could have done differently helps us to learn, grow, and adapt, we also need to take the time to focus on and encourage the positives. We can ask ourselves about the behaviours we want to encourage.

Why language matters with behaviours we want to encourage

‘No!’ ‘Stop it!’ ‘You can’t do that.’

In the types of settings we work in, it’s not unusual to hear, or indeed say, these words on a daily basis. When we can see a situation unfolding, or an individual engaged in behaviour that needs support, we often automatically use these phrases to interrupt what is going on, and redirect behaviour. And of course, if a person is at immediate risk of harming either themselves or others, a short, sharp interjection, such as ‘No!’, is entirely appropriate.