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Please note: this content was originally created for international schools. However, it is relevant for any school where nannies and au pairs are part of the wider school community.
Across the international school sector, many families employ nannies and au pairs to support them with childcare and domestic duties.
Nannies and au pairs are often more than just caregivers for children; they fulfil a crucial role within the family unit and play an integral part in many areas of domestic life, from preparing meals and arranging appointments to overseeing homework and communicating with school on behalf of parents.
Some are given a high level of autonomy around their working practices, while others are required to adhere to comparatively strict parameters around their daily duties. Experiences vary widely from family to family, and from country to country.
In many cases, this type of outsourced childcare arrangement works seamlessly and presents few, if any, problems. But in some instances, nannies and au pairs can face some unique challenges when it comes to supporting behaviour.
It’s not unusual for children and young people to test boundaries with their parents and carers; it’s a normal part of growing up.
Depending on their age and stage, there are times when they may struggle to control their emotions or express themselves clearly and may become dysregulated. When parents are not present and nannies or au pairs are responsible for childcare, some children may push boundaries with them instead.
While many people using nannies and au pairs are easily able to foster strong emotional bonds between family members, some children and young people whose parents rely on external childcare support may find that their emotional needs cannot always be met by their parents. This can sometimes lead to emotional distress and connection-seeking behaviour that needs support.
Read our article about affluent neglect.
Parenting styles can vary widely, and for a number of reasons, nannies and au pairs’ approaches to behaviour support may not align with parental expectations. For example, depending on the context in which they work, they may hold different cultural or religious beliefs around the best way to support behaviour.
Of course, every household is different, and some nannies and au pairs may feel very well supported by their employer in all aspects of their role. But for others, they may not feel they have the jurisdiction, skills, or permission to support the child with their behaviour. They may worry about the repercussions or might feel inadequately equipped to understand the behaviour they see.
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